I want to tell a story; lets call the main character Mary. All the other characters will be referred to as Trials (intermittent issues) and Tribulations (intermittent issues that linger and burrow into the dangerous canals of the darkness called the subconscious). So, Mary is born, raised and eventually transitioned into the trickery of adulthood. Throughout childhood she had trials that conditioned her to turn anxiety into energy, worry into optimism and hope into action. She enters adulthood with the rose colored shades on only to have them snatched off and stepped on by the bully called student loans, his friend called taxes, their buddies called responsibilities and the leader of the gang called grief and broken heartedness. As she transitions through her twenties and into her early thirties, self-awareness and confidence increase as she knocks down trial after trial and suppresses the experiences of tribulations. She builds self-confidence through prayer, meditation and achievement. Her child brings a level of motivation and satisfaction that can only be a gift hand crafted and delivered by God. One day, as she glues the final piece of the rose colored glasses back together, she is stunned to see that they are presenting to her a world view unlike any other. She becomes keenly aware of the obvious generational curses/behaviors/ mistakes passed down from her maternal line. She instantly becomes aware of the seeds planted in her since birth and watered daily by the gardeners that are parental interactions, social engagement, social media and religious influences. She becomes aware of her ability to change her thoughts, thought processes and overall self-view. She becomes strengthened at the thought of breaking and developing new mental models that are in alignment with who she knows at her core she was created to be. She becomes aware of the grace and peace of her higher source and excited about possibilities. She becomes aware that her renewal came at the expense of her rose colored shades.
Hello Friends and Welcome back. This week's blog is one about the realization that I came to subsequent to a grueling Barre Class thanks to the wonderful app Groupon. First let me shout out the wonderful ladies at The Bar Method who have been more than patient with me as I try to remember that my current journey is between me and my body; no one else. So here I am wondering about life and its purpose and my current journey of amazing blessings and equally amazing disappointments. I have struggled lately to feel balanced and in sync with my chakras and spirituality these last few months. So I decide to venture out and try something new. I purchase a Groupon for five classes of barre fitness in Hermosa Beach. I feel pretty good about the purchase. I feel even better when I drive to the first class, amazing walking up the stairs, almost invincible during the stretches-wait for it- then comes the first set of exercises. I begin to feel weak; out of control, and infantile at best are the emotions raging through my mind and muscles as I work to keep up and not compare myself to the seemingly perfect ladies who appear to do this on a daily basis. Then Lacey, the instructor comes over, and tells me I'm rocking it. Then it hits me; this journey is between me and my body, no one else in the room or on the planet. Then every out of sort emotion begins running through my veins as I hone in on my feelings of imbalance while trying to use the bar for support to turn out knees, flex my feet and squat while squeezing my glutes. It hits me, I have been competing with every celebrity, every friend, every sibling, every person on the planet who has in some way set some unrealistic expectation of some life experience in the last year. I have been racing the clock of others, listening to the ticks of other womens' biological workings and managing my emotions to the perceptions of others. I have been meeting unrealistic expectations that are not even mine. My journey is my journey as is my body, time, money and life. My journey is between me, myself and I; and these barre classes are between me and my body. I will move forward reminding myself that each experience is between me and my spirit and those with whom I share space and energy ongoing. Love of self is my goal beyond the superficial and I hope to share this walk, this journey with others who look for support through Jacob Joseph and Jabez Family Counseling and Professional Services Group.