Love and The Great Divide
So I have been thinking: am I one of the lonely few people who tells their family members, children, co-workers and friends, that I love them frequently? For example, during our “Drops in The Bucket” time in our leadership team meetings, I tell my peers with whom I have bonded that I love them. And getting off the phone with my siblings, parents and grandparents, I tell them I love them. With my friends, both old and new, I tell them I love them. Obtaining a reciprocated response is not the point or goal; simple recognition of the love I have for that person is. I think to love and to be in love are different but the same. Its one of those concepts where I really believe that I prefer friendship love to romantic love at times, because people “in love” tend to fall out of it. I just want the love. I want to feel free about professing my love for the individuals in my life who make my life worth living: my friend who travels and strives to break generational labels placed upon her, my friend who is finally seeing some flickers of light at the end of the tunnel in her quest to obtain her God-ordained greatness, my friend who truly is a superman in his own right, and my friend whom I’ve loved since I can remember who I frequently have to remind to be safe. I love my family and I love my friends and the grace that my God sees fit to extend to me daily. My father who has an unusual amount of intellect married with humor, and my mother whose glare you can feel through walls, to my grandmother who everyone refers to as the nice lady to my grandfather who has this James Earl Jones-esq essence and says much while saying little- all of these people give me life. My uncle who knows a little bit about everything related to conspiracies yet really is a nice guy. My siblings who are individually awesome and creative and bad ass who will swoop down with great vengeance if I needed them to, are some of the greatest and kindest people ever to breathe and walk this earth. My daughter’s father who entertains frequent bouts of fuckery but sometimes has great regard for my health and safety has even taught me lessons that contributed to my feelings of worth. My child whose strength and confidence and extraordinary humor is an individual like one I never met and never knew I could create, let alone parent- is my lifeline currently to my higher source. I have a friend who always reappears when I need her, one who sends her love from Phoenix, and many others who have really helped shaped me and achieve my goals. How could I not say that I love them? All too often this world reminds us of how unimportant, isolated, weird and strange---I mean really!!! Fill in the blank. We are really conditioned to look to what we are not before looking to what we are. The people in my life truly transform me with every single interaction and I believe they need to be rewarded by being loved and accepted in the same manner they have loved and accepted me. I know that it can be awkward when someone who you have no romantic interest in, says I love you. I don’t want people to feel awkward, I want them to feel loved. This is fulfilling for me and spreads love in an ever increasingly divided world. I need to be able to profess my love for people. I wanted to write this because we have so many misconceptions about love and who is allowed to love and what it means. I think love includes- let’s start this shift in language when we talk about love- love includes acceptance and reminding people that they are loved, simply because they exist. Feeling the freedom to say it also means that you are reaching a point of self-awareness and actualization where someone else’s opinion is mattering less and less. This being the case, because I know that I am loved simply because I exist, and because of the amount of wonderful people in my life reinforce it by being present, I am going to tell whoever reading this, that I love you. And I mean it. Because chances are, if we met, I would love you, simply because you exist.
So I have this job right. It has been the bane of my experience for somewhere near the last 90 days. I think this is because it brings out the mustard seed size of insecurity in me while challenging me and driving me to new levels of self-competence I did not know I could achieve. My supervisor, the Executive Director, has challenged me in ways that trigger my ego on alternate universe sized levels. One is related to the book that speaks about four agreements. The one that tends to get the most focus is the agreement where one is to make no assumptions. I remember once, at a team meeting, a peer of mine rebutted that the “assumption” as labeled by our supervisor was more of an observation and continual experience to which my supervisor had no response. I chuckled. I think that I chuckled because it became apparent at that moment, that anyone could label your experience an assumption thereby negating the need to accept any level of responsibility for the way others are experiencing them. I think that one of the things I love most about the work I do is the realization that any observation or assessment must be backed up or evidenced by some behavior or explanation in order to substantiate the label chosen. I think assumptions are necessary because they require conversation and discussion and disagreement which breeds inclusion and increased self-awareness when done correctly. I think it is an opportunity to share experiences and discuss barriers. Assumptions can be both positive and negative but in any case it could be what sparks a much needed conversation.
If you have a small child in your life that is close to you, and I mean close enough to where they make or break your decision to procreate, have you ever noticed how the little things matter the most to them when deciding on whether they have been betrayed? For example, have you ever gotten a bite to eat while on the go without that little person being with you? Only to experience later that they are totally caught off guard and feel completely betrayed? “Mommy, you ate without me?!!!” The sudden realization that you have a life outside of their life is a totally disorienting experience for them. Here you are, the center of this child’s world. The sun literally rises, sets and revolves around moments of fellowship and interconnectedness with you. How does that leave? Does it begin to dissipate after that first meal they realized you had without them? And how come we never gain that level of intensity again, for another human being. The exchange as you get older, at least in my generation, appears to be lusting for someone rather than genuinely wanting to be in the presence of another individual with whom you feel incredibly close and interconnected without physicality. You literally belong to that child and no one else without the perversions that typically go along with that level of control. I was just wondering this as I experienced that my grabbing Panda Express without my daughter was earth shattering for her; and her reaction, was earth shattering for me. It made me really know that everything about me is loved, needed, watched and important to at least one other human being simply because I exist.
There's a keyword here in the title, it's “Thinking.” Lately it seems that people lack the ability to critically think about certain issues; rather than think, we rationalize. We curb the inclination to investigate or research; ask an extra question. Instead we compare the effects of the issue such as “did it affect my home, my family? Did it affect my money, my health?” Using devices sometimes causes a person to tune out the whole world. I myself at one time or another have been lost in the timelines of social media, and binge watching television shows. Honestly, the media would have me believe that the sky is falling! Yet its not falling by me, so why should I care? The apathy is real. I find myself wanting to break free! I become baffled at the inner debate to deactivate accounts or disable apps. Do I really get nervous when I think of volunteering, joining a club, or going outside to view who my neighbors are? In response to that inner debate, I rationalize that everything's ok, and say to myself “don’t be so negative.” I 've come to the conclusion, that fear of living outside the box drives our now inability to disable apps and electronics. My subconscious raises many questions- Is it negative to question the motive of watching T.V. for 5 or 6 hours, Is it negative to get absolutely angry to see yet another video on my timeline of some cop engaging in what seems to be a crime regardless if it is a legal one or moral one, am I completely desensitized- I smack my lips and continue to swipe my thumb against the screen of the little box in my hand refusing to think critically for fear I may put down the little box and return to living outside of it in a world different that when I went in to the box.